The Telly Nelly Blog

The Owl and the Pussycat

While Jonathan Adler does indeed dress like a gay clown from the flood districts of West Hollywood, he does a FABULOUS owl.

God bless ya, ya big homo...I really do love you deep down in my designer jeans.

(I just hate your pants. And buy some socks, man!)

Next Wednesday is the finale of 'Top Design' (and the premiere of 'Shear Genius' a train-wreck in the making for sure) - and for once I find myself on the side minority...I like Carisa! Sure, she's brassy, doesn't play well with others, tends to over-smatter a room with an endless rainbow of pop-licked accessories and is a bit rough around the edges, but damn-it - I like the bitch. I'd live in any of her rooms...any of 'em. (I even liked those brown slipcovers from a few weeks back Kelly, so you can just put that in your hair and frizz it! Margaret - keep your sneers to yourself. Why must you perpetually look like someone nearby stepped in poo?)

'Top Design' Blunders On...

My oh my...the tradition of poor fashion decisions continues.

How unfortunate. Blah.

As you can see, Jonathan took my last post to heart - he deep six-ed those funky muppet ties in favor of something a little more sophisticated. Granted he's still wearing velvet jackets and the tie is a bit too large, but without an incredibly over sized tie his head is somewhat proportional. Personality wise he still hits the red on the creepy scale if you ask me, giving off a vibe that's a mix between Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka and Michael Jackson. I would *not* want to spend a night in his chalet, that's for sure!

And this time around I've added in a little Margaret 'Sneer' Russell as well - though her outfit is perfectly  acceptable. (She's a lonely little petunia in an onion shop). Margaret darling, what's with the look? Are you sitting on one of Jonathan's ties? If so, pardon moi! If not, you might want to consider dropping the

Or perhaps the reflection of light shooting off Kelly Wearstler's Barbarella-themed, space-hooker outfit proved too much? Goodness me Kelly, do you even own a mirror? Trust me, I hate myself for saying that after seeing the droolicious hotel designs you've created...if only your genius extended to your fashion decisions!!

And hmmm...what's with this mystery room shown in the opening credits? Methinks someone made a mistake - we haven't seen this one yet, a.k.a. it's from a future episode! If you as me, it looks like Carisa's design work, and since they're showing it with a bunch of other winning rooms, it looks like she'll be the winner for next week - you heard it here first!

So does that mean it's curtains for Matt or Andrea?

Fiddlesticks. Who ruined the surprise moppets???

Lets Rig 'American Idol' By Voting for the Worst!

While I still detest 'American Idol' like it was a Cheney baby, this delightful idea gives me hope.

I know I'll be calling in for the worst - but didn't this already happen last year with that icky Taylor Hicks thing? ew.

If you're gay and you actually like 'American Idol', you're in good company on AOL!

Sigh...you crazies. When will you learn?

And when oh when will Paula dry out? Lordy lou, she's a mess!

What Will Jonathan Wear on 'Top Design' Tonight?

It's come to the point where I'm only watching Bravo's 'Top Design' to see what *horrible* velvet jacket & over sized tie combo Jonathan Adler will be wearing tonight. Will it be made of carpet? Or perhaps made from muppets, as surely this tie from last week was...? Jonathan darling, if you're trying to start an big honkin' tie fashion revolution, it ain't workin' out for ya. You look like a puppet your head is so small. And for gods sake, put on some socks!!!! (And stop giving Kelly pills!)

Which brings us to Kelly Wearstler. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Yes, I'm sure she's a high fallootin' interior designer. But every week she treads into dangerous fashion territory by playing wardrobe roulette! I can just see her reaching into a gigantic walk-in-closet blindfolded and cobbling together whatever she ends up grabbing into one giant clusterf*ck of an outfit. In last week's episode, Kelly said she likes honest criticism. Let's put that to the test, shall we?

Kelly darling, you look like an 19th Century whore in this freakish outfit - in fact, you're looking a bit like Dee Schneider from 'Twisted Sister' fame with all that hair. (Did Jonathan Adler recommend this look? Not all homos know what they're talking about dear; never take fashion advice from a gay puppet.)

No, I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm being *honest*.

Yes, there *is* a difference. Tough love people!

'Amazing Race: All Stars' Gay Baits The Telly Nelly

Anyone else tune into last night's 'Amazing Race: All Stars' expecting to see the gay fur fly?

After watching last week's preview, it looked like gay Team Guido (Joe & Bill) would be called a naughty gay slur by straight boy and Guido hater Eric, of Team Eric and Danielle. (If those two boring turds of white have a nickname, it escapes me at the moment.)

But alas, it turned out to be another crazy vision by Team Guido. Why Eric needs to watch his speed *and* his jokes are beyond me. I'll admit he's a bit rude to call Joe and Bill whackos in front of others and on national television - crass! - but I'll also admit that Joe and Bill do come across as total whack-nuts 80% of the time. (Why oh WHY do you insist upon wearing matching EVERYTHING? You scare me Joe and Bill, you scare me.)

Of course, Eric *did* call Team Guido 'queens' later on in the episode...but how does one dispute that? They're *total* queens! (This from a born and bred queen in the making, naturally.)

Damn, was I pissed there wasn't a juicy F-word scuffle to really see if Isaiah Washington was ready to party the GLAAD way. With Anderson Cooper now sleeping with *everyone* at CBS, it'd be the perfect time for some homosynergy. I can just see dear Anderson and Phil sitting down over tea to discuss homophobes. Delicious! Much better than priest molestation yawn fest! As Amy Sedaris would say, 'Read a book!'

One More Thought...mayhaps on 'Top Design'

Bravo's 'Top Design' gives me gas. I don't know *why* I continue to watch...

Truly, it's a horrid stink of a reality mess. How much money did NBC throw into it? Couldn't they have afforded a backstage area for the contestants so they don't just stand there like idiots during the elimination bit? Awkward!!!!

Note to Jonathan Adler: Clown ties are *not* appropriate for television, day *or* night.

And who the f*ck decided to make velvet jackets 'in style' again? I'm sorry, they're horrid bits of tat.

And am I the only one terrified of Margaret Russell in this photo? I have night terrors that she's looming over me with a giant miter saw, screaming 'See ya later, decorator!'

I need some strong pills.

Ides of March & Stuff

Oh my lord, it's been such a few crazy weeks on TV what with that damn basketball thingy mucking up everybody's schedules. All the networks are pulling shows, rescheduling shows, scrambling programs...it's chaos. So chaotic, in fact, that I nearly missed the Ides of March...now that would have been sad. (But now what do I do with all this extra Ides of March cake?)

Hmmmm...come to think of it, I wonder if my 'Ugly Betty' actually recorded at 1:37 a.m. this morning as promised by my Tivo. (How *does* that magical box work?) It was preempted, naturally, but lots of scantily clad young men tossing spheres around in funny head wear.

I'm actually glad for all this March...well for lack of a better term, let's call it March Madness. So I'm glad for all this March Madness - why? Because frankly, I don't feel like watching TV as of late. Oh sure, I watch 'Wheel of Fortune' of course - who couldn't fit one wheel a night in? (It's like the last warm french fry...who doesn't have room?) I'm talking about the 'Ugly Betty's' and the 'CSI's of the world...I just don't care! I don't want to be bogged down with all that plot, gimmie a 30 minute boost of entertainment - like 'Futurama!' I don't want to have to *THINK* to get my entertainment Grissom - it's Spring!

Perhaps that's it...perhaps it's just my delicious Telly Nelly sap rising up throughout my strong-yet-supple Telly trunk. Then again, perhaps not. (Please forgive the image.)

But something's sure up 'cause I just don't feel like watching the ol' Telly...until 'Planet Earth' starts on Discovery in just a few weeks - I can't wait!

Hmmm...wonder what's on Xtube?

Has Ann Coulter Made Me A Better Nelly?

I dunno kids, I'm seriously thinking of not using the f-word anymore. No, really!

I mean, it's been fun, but hear me out. If there's a chance I can stick it to the right-wing media f*cknuts by not using it and then condemning those who do, well...it's an epiphany of sorts!

So...shall The Telly Nelly ever use the f-word again?

Perhaps.

First we'll see how far this whole Coulter thing goes and then I'll make a decision...

But it'll be a pity as it's *such* a fun word to say. It'll be nearly as hard as giving up cigarettes!

Silly Rosie, 'American Idol' Isn't Racist or Weightist...

America is!

Or, should I say, those kids who call in to vote for 'American Idol' winners are...

Duh!

But if you care to see Rosie rip into yet *another* reality program, why - read all about it here.

Again, blame the haters who vote, not the producers who set up the vote.

My, but this one is VERY fat, isn't he? Just sayin'!

Chip Arndt from 'Amazing Race 4' Launches AIDS Fund Campaign

I had dinner with Chip once in Portland, Maine.

My friend had drinks with Reichen. (By the looks of his blog, he could use a few more!)

Guess who got the short end of the stick?

Good for you Chipparoo - while I found your friend to be quite lecherous, you were a nice enough chap.

(That Gay Fuel however...Lordy, what a name.)

But what's with the music on your MySpace site?  Is that the band from the 'Jabberjaw' cartoon of the 70s? Yikes!

Jabberjaw, incidentally, died from a scorching case of syphilis back in 1987 but Hanna-Barbera hushed it up and buried him (literally!) in the back lot.

A shame really; he would have made a great sandwich!